Week 10 NFL Picks: Happy with .500 Is No Way To Live

When I looked through last week’s picks I was actually relieved to find I ended up 7-7. This is no way to live, people, barely clinging to an overall winning record. But that city in the desert doesn't keep building hotel rooms because people are good at gambling. On to the picks:

Home team in CAPS

Baltimore -7.5 over TENNESSEE
Yeah, the AFC is the better conference but this is just going to be an ugly, stinky game. Watch. Or don't.

INDIANAPOLIS -13 over Buffalo
Have you seen the ads on TBS for the new show "My Boys"? Here's a "joke" from the preview: the woman is about go on a date and one of her hangout dude friends says, "Nice cleavage. Are you even wearing a bar?" What does that mean? If she didn't have a bra on wouldn't she have NO cleavage? Or is the hangout dude friend being sarcastic? If he is, do I want to look at this woman for 30 minutes a week? Who wrote this line? My guess is a woman who drives a Subaru and owns a softball mitt because it reveals nothing about the male psyche.

ATLANTA -8 over Cleveland
Michael Vick needs to get this one. And Cleveland is the worst sports city in the country, right? When LeBron goes to New York or Los Angeles they will officially be Cincinnati North.

Green Bay +5.5 over MINNESOTA
As much as I despise Brett Favre, he doesn't get rattled in the roller dome.

JACKSONVILLE -10.5 over Houston
Well, the Jags knocked me out of my suicide pool when they number two'd the bed a few weeks ago at the Texans. Can't happen again, right?

Kansas City -1.5 over MIAMI
This might be a little revenge pick on my part after the Dolphins came to Chicago and, well... Anyway, Damon Huard is playing excellent as a starter.

NEW ENGLAND -10.5 over New York Jets
First time I've gone against the Drunken Joe Namath's all season. Back me up, Tom Brady, back me up.

CINCINATTI +1.5 over San Diego
Chargers haven't beaten a team with a winning record this season. Carson Palmer has got to shake the rust off real soon.

San Francisco +6 over DETROIT
Despite the emergence of Kevin Jones for the Lions, Niners should be getting more respect after beating a decent Minnesota team last week (I hit that one by the way).

PHILADELPHIA -7 over Washington
I really don't know about this one. Has any NFC East game gone the way it should this season? Is there even a way TO predict the way NFC East games should go?

Denver +9 over OAKLAND
Donkeys are starting to put it together on both sides of the ball. Raiders returned to form (being the WORST TEAM EVER) last Monday night.

New Orleans +4.5 over PITTSBURGH
Steelers are one punch away from having their left retina completely detached from their eyeball. Picture Mick slapping Rocky in the face because he can't see the left hook coming.

Dallas -7 over ARIZONA
If the Cowboys lose this game Bill Parcells drives home from the game stopping at every IHOP and Cracker Barrel between Phoenix and Dallas.

SEATTLE -3.5 over St. Louis
Seahawks defense looked really nasty against that JV high school team from Oakland on Monday night.

Chicago even over NEW YORK GIANTS
People jumped off the Bears bandwagon this week like someone threw a bag of blood in the air and screamed "AIDS!"

Tampa Bay +10 over CAROLINA
You DON'T give Bruce Gradkowski ten points and get away with it, people. Do not challenge B-Grad!

Last week: 7-7
The Indefinitely Suspended Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diaper Pick of the Week: still 1-6
Overall: 57-55-1

Week 9 Bears Recap: Midterm Grades

Minus Indianapolis, who barely beat Tennessee at home this season, every team in the NFL has looked terrible at some point along the way and the Bears joined that majority on Sunday by losing to the Miami Dolphins 31-13. Wow, I think that is the first time I've written, admitted or accepted that the Bears lost just a few days ago.

On to the grades:

Quarterbacks: B
Rex Grossman has looked great in a few games and like Kyle Orton's brain-dead half-brother against Minnesota, Arizona and, most recently, Miami. He's thrown 14 TDs and 10 picks, two of which were returned for scores. You can't pull a starting quarterback on a 7-1 team but two out of three bad performances in the next three versus the Giants, Jets and Patriots and the Bears will officially have their 457th quarterback controversy of all-time.

Running Backs: C
Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson are averaging a combined 3.7 yards per carry. That's okay when Grossman is throwing three and four touchdowns in a game, but not when the passing game is so inconsistent. Benson is a north-south runner and needs more carries as his style will wear down defenses in the fourth quarter. Thomas Jones still gets caught dancing instead of just hitting holes.

Wide Receivers: B+
Bernard Berrian is having a breakout year. Muhsin Muhammad has already had a better season than he did last year. Rashied Davis has proved a decent slot receiver but with Berrian out for the time being somebody else needs to become the downfield threat.

Tight Ends: A-
Desmond Clark has moved close to the elite tight end class of the league and as a unit the group has 5 TDs and is averaging 14.3 yards per catch.

Offensive Line: B-
Some of the sacks have been Rex Grossman's fault, but many haven't. The running game is yet to get going but I can't grade this unit below a B- when the team has dominated so many games.

Defensive Line: A-
When the Bears have played bad and still won, it was the defensive line keying the victories in both Minnesota and Arizona. Mark Anderson has been a brilliant rookie sack artist and the tackles Tommie Harris and Tank Johnson have generally been rocks up the middle.

Linebackers: B+
If Brian Urlacher really is overrated, how good is he going to be if he ever actually gets good?

Secondary: B
The Bears are not the same without Mike Brown but I am sick of that excuse. Almost nobody throws at Nathan Vasher anymore and Charles Tillman is playing more consistently on the other side.

Special Teams: B
Brad Maynard=good. Robbie Gould=great. Devin Hester=all over the place.

Coaches: B+
Keeping the Bears focused on the opponent at hand and not the final game down in Miami is clearly going to be the coaching staff's biggest challenge as the season moves into December and so on. Rex Grossman should have less of the game placed on his right arm and a commitment to running the ball needs to be the new mantra.

Sorry. Don’t mean to be so negative. Things are still looking up despite the Miami loss. Brian Urlacher appears to be healthy and only nursing a sprained toe, the Bears are 7-1, and my buddy Ike made some delicious Chicago deep-dish pizzas for Sunday's game. It was the highlight of my day.