Week Nine Bears Recap: Memento II: The Memento-ing
I thought about just cutting and pasting any of the past three recaps into this week's, changing the names of the opponents to protect the innocent, and calling it a night. I'm tired, I’ve got $25 on Southern Miss giving seven at Marshall, I have a nagging groin injury from playing basketball like a psychotic floor-burn addict, and all of these Bears victories are starting to meld together in my mind.
But let's try to figure this thing out. We'll analyze what we can remember and hopefully discover who and where in the hell the Bears played last weekend. I'll work backwards. I think it's backwards.
I see a fourth quarter. It’s a close game. We just scored, right? There was a good drive by the running game and Orton made a pass I think.
Our defense is playing well. I see a man, sprinting sideline to sideline like a lunatic. Number 54. Shit, that's Urlacher. He's there every week. But who is he chasing? Some mediocre quarterback I think. Harrington? No. Anthony Wright? Mmm, maybe.
The D cleans up the offense's mess every time we give them great field position. I've written that before. But when? I think I just summed up the second half of every Bears win this season.
Ah, crap. Maybe it's hopeless. Each Bears victory is a carbon copy of the previous one.
But I've to crack this Matrix. I must forge ahead. For my faithful readers, this weekly Bears breakdown is like crack (Here you go, Mom and Dad).
The first half, stands nearly empty...
A turnover. Kyle Orton. He plays decent but makes a few mistakes. He's a rookie, although I'm sensing improvement. Are we in Detroit?
A foggy memory: the defense is bending a little too much early on.
Thomas Jones runs hard in the first half. The guy has over 900 yards in eight games so that is no help. Jesus Christ, every week is the same!
But the game is starting. A flat-screen TV.
I'm at a friend's house. He's wearing a Jim Harbuagh Colts jersey. That's strange. He offers me a glass of water? Yes, please. I'm very thirsty. Thirst? Dehydration? Famine... contaminated drinking water... a flood... A hurricane! Hurricane Katrina!! The New Orleans Saints! We were playing the New Orleans Saints! Thank you, Hurricane Katrina, you sweet bitch.
But let's try to figure this thing out. We'll analyze what we can remember and hopefully discover who and where in the hell the Bears played last weekend. I'll work backwards. I think it's backwards.
I see a fourth quarter. It’s a close game. We just scored, right? There was a good drive by the running game and Orton made a pass I think.
Our defense is playing well. I see a man, sprinting sideline to sideline like a lunatic. Number 54. Shit, that's Urlacher. He's there every week. But who is he chasing? Some mediocre quarterback I think. Harrington? No. Anthony Wright? Mmm, maybe.
The D cleans up the offense's mess every time we give them great field position. I've written that before. But when? I think I just summed up the second half of every Bears win this season.
Ah, crap. Maybe it's hopeless. Each Bears victory is a carbon copy of the previous one.
But I've to crack this Matrix. I must forge ahead. For my faithful readers, this weekly Bears breakdown is like crack (Here you go, Mom and Dad).
The first half, stands nearly empty...
A turnover. Kyle Orton. He plays decent but makes a few mistakes. He's a rookie, although I'm sensing improvement. Are we in Detroit?
A foggy memory: the defense is bending a little too much early on.
Thomas Jones runs hard in the first half. The guy has over 900 yards in eight games so that is no help. Jesus Christ, every week is the same!
But the game is starting. A flat-screen TV.
I'm at a friend's house. He's wearing a Jim Harbuagh Colts jersey. That's strange. He offers me a glass of water? Yes, please. I'm very thirsty. Thirst? Dehydration? Famine... contaminated drinking water... a flood... A hurricane! Hurricane Katrina!! The New Orleans Saints! We were playing the New Orleans Saints! Thank you, Hurricane Katrina, you sweet bitch.
posted by David Stassen at 6:40 PM
