Week 10 Bears Recap: Second City Support Group
After getting embarrassed at home last week against Miami the Bears started their most talked about portion of the 2006 campaign with three road games in a row, the first two in New York, capped off with a trip to Massachusetts to face the never-ending dynasty that is the New England Patriots.
We were sure to be unveiled as pretenders, overrated and barely better than Oakland. We had been called everything short of child-molesting, North Korean-sympathizers in the days leading up to our game versus the Giants.
Boom! Bears 38. Giants 20.
Thank God. We did it. We won in New York, whooping the Giants good. What a relief, right? Now let's get the hell out of here before their cash machines permanently inhale our ATM cards.
Excuse me? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
We have to go back?! Ah crap.
For a sports team, going to New York sucks. If they can cheer against Michael Jordan, they clearly are soulless animals with no respect for the human condition. And now we have to back to play the JETS on Sunday.
I need something, a place to call my own. I'm proposing the Second City Support Group (bartenders who took a class at Second City and never became famous comedians are not welcome).
The first step is to admit I have a problem. I can do that. I admit that New York is overrated and my inferiority complex to such an average city is purely a product of media hype and New Yorkers' wishful thinking.
To deal with two straight weeks of Big Apple stories we can have the first meeting of SCSG right now. Let's layout some tenets:
1. You had Lawrence Taylor, crackhead. We had Walter Payton, Sweetness.
2. There's a neighborhood called Hell's Kitchen. Really? Who cares? Stupid name.
3. My college roommate once told me that when the Rangers won the Stanley Cup it was "just more special" because it was a New York team that won it. He was from Orange, New Jersey. That was my first interaction with a "real New Yorker."
4. They have Donald Trump. We have Bill Murray.
5. A guy letting a baseball dribble through his legs is the greatest moment in Mets history. Congrats, guys.
6. They pretend to cheer for Alex Rodriguez and then boo their over-priced hot dog-stuffed mouths the second the playoffs start.
7. Giants head coach Tom Coughlin acts like a 5-year old who wet his pants when the calls don't go his way.
8. Tuesdays with Morrie.
9. They totally ripped off the Native Americans for Manhattan. Chicago never did anything like that we're pretty sure.
10. Nobody beats Chicago in government corruption.
11. Michael Jordan treated Patrick Ewing like Mark Foley interviewing Jonah, the fair-haired high schooler from Tampa Bay, for a summer internship.
12. Al Capone was a cool gangster depicted by Robert Deniro in a major motion picture. John Gotti had dirty, ugly, rat-faced sons with a reality show on E!
13. Neither the Giants nor Jets have ever come to Chicago more than once during a season. Chicagoans do it twice.
And let the barrage of hate mail begin.
We were sure to be unveiled as pretenders, overrated and barely better than Oakland. We had been called everything short of child-molesting, North Korean-sympathizers in the days leading up to our game versus the Giants.
Boom! Bears 38. Giants 20.
Thank God. We did it. We won in New York, whooping the Giants good. What a relief, right? Now let's get the hell out of here before their cash machines permanently inhale our ATM cards.
Excuse me? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.
We have to go back?! Ah crap.
For a sports team, going to New York sucks. If they can cheer against Michael Jordan, they clearly are soulless animals with no respect for the human condition. And now we have to back to play the JETS on Sunday.
I need something, a place to call my own. I'm proposing the Second City Support Group (bartenders who took a class at Second City and never became famous comedians are not welcome).
The first step is to admit I have a problem. I can do that. I admit that New York is overrated and my inferiority complex to such an average city is purely a product of media hype and New Yorkers' wishful thinking.
To deal with two straight weeks of Big Apple stories we can have the first meeting of SCSG right now. Let's layout some tenets:
1. You had Lawrence Taylor, crackhead. We had Walter Payton, Sweetness.
2. There's a neighborhood called Hell's Kitchen. Really? Who cares? Stupid name.
3. My college roommate once told me that when the Rangers won the Stanley Cup it was "just more special" because it was a New York team that won it. He was from Orange, New Jersey. That was my first interaction with a "real New Yorker."
4. They have Donald Trump. We have Bill Murray.
5. A guy letting a baseball dribble through his legs is the greatest moment in Mets history. Congrats, guys.
6. They pretend to cheer for Alex Rodriguez and then boo their over-priced hot dog-stuffed mouths the second the playoffs start.
7. Giants head coach Tom Coughlin acts like a 5-year old who wet his pants when the calls don't go his way.
8. Tuesdays with Morrie.
9. They totally ripped off the Native Americans for Manhattan. Chicago never did anything like that we're pretty sure.
10. Nobody beats Chicago in government corruption.
11. Michael Jordan treated Patrick Ewing like Mark Foley interviewing Jonah, the fair-haired high schooler from Tampa Bay, for a summer internship.
12. Al Capone was a cool gangster depicted by Robert Deniro in a major motion picture. John Gotti had dirty, ugly, rat-faced sons with a reality show on E!
13. Neither the Giants nor Jets have ever come to Chicago more than once during a season. Chicagoans do it twice.
And let the barrage of hate mail begin.
posted by David Stassen at 5:44 PM
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