Week 10 NFL Picks: Happy with .500 Is No Way To Live
When I looked through last week’s picks I was actually relieved to find I ended up 7-7. This is no way to live, people, barely clinging to an overall winning record. But that city in the desert doesn't keep building hotel rooms because people are good at gambling. On to the picks:
Home team in CAPS
Baltimore -7.5 over TENNESSEE
Yeah, the AFC is the better conference but this is just going to be an ugly, stinky game. Watch. Or don't.
INDIANAPOLIS -13 over Buffalo
Have you seen the ads on TBS for the new show "My Boys"? Here's a "joke" from the preview: the woman is about go on a date and one of her hangout dude friends says, "Nice cleavage. Are you even wearing a bar?" What does that mean? If she didn't have a bra on wouldn't she have NO cleavage? Or is the hangout dude friend being sarcastic? If he is, do I want to look at this woman for 30 minutes a week? Who wrote this line? My guess is a woman who drives a Subaru and owns a softball mitt because it reveals nothing about the male psyche.
ATLANTA -8 over Cleveland
Michael Vick needs to get this one. And Cleveland is the worst sports city in the country, right? When LeBron goes to New York or Los Angeles they will officially be Cincinnati North.
Green Bay +5.5 over MINNESOTA
As much as I despise Brett Favre, he doesn't get rattled in the roller dome.
JACKSONVILLE -10.5 over Houston
Well, the Jags knocked me out of my suicide pool when they number two'd the bed a few weeks ago at the Texans. Can't happen again, right?
Kansas City -1.5 over MIAMI
This might be a little revenge pick on my part after the Dolphins came to Chicago and, well... Anyway, Damon Huard is playing excellent as a starter.
NEW ENGLAND -10.5 over New York Jets
First time I've gone against the Drunken Joe Namath's all season. Back me up, Tom Brady, back me up.
CINCINATTI +1.5 over San Diego
Chargers haven't beaten a team with a winning record this season. Carson Palmer has got to shake the rust off real soon.
San Francisco +6 over DETROIT
Despite the emergence of Kevin Jones for the Lions, Niners should be getting more respect after beating a decent Minnesota team last week (I hit that one by the way).
PHILADELPHIA -7 over Washington
I really don't know about this one. Has any NFC East game gone the way it should this season? Is there even a way TO predict the way NFC East games should go?
Denver +9 over OAKLAND
Donkeys are starting to put it together on both sides of the ball. Raiders returned to form (being the WORST TEAM EVER) last Monday night.
New Orleans +4.5 over PITTSBURGH
Steelers are one punch away from having their left retina completely detached from their eyeball. Picture Mick slapping Rocky in the face because he can't see the left hook coming.
Dallas -7 over ARIZONA
If the Cowboys lose this game Bill Parcells drives home from the game stopping at every IHOP and Cracker Barrel between Phoenix and Dallas.
SEATTLE -3.5 over St. Louis
Seahawks defense looked really nasty against that JV high school team from Oakland on Monday night.
Chicago even over NEW YORK GIANTS
People jumped off the Bears bandwagon this week like someone threw a bag of blood in the air and screamed "AIDS!"
Tampa Bay +10 over CAROLINA
You DON'T give Bruce Gradkowski ten points and get away with it, people. Do not challenge B-Grad!
Last week: 7-7
The Indefinitely Suspended Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diaper Pick of the Week: still 1-6
Overall: 57-55-1
Home team in CAPS
Baltimore -7.5 over TENNESSEE
Yeah, the AFC is the better conference but this is just going to be an ugly, stinky game. Watch. Or don't.
INDIANAPOLIS -13 over Buffalo
Have you seen the ads on TBS for the new show "My Boys"? Here's a "joke" from the preview: the woman is about go on a date and one of her hangout dude friends says, "Nice cleavage. Are you even wearing a bar?" What does that mean? If she didn't have a bra on wouldn't she have NO cleavage? Or is the hangout dude friend being sarcastic? If he is, do I want to look at this woman for 30 minutes a week? Who wrote this line? My guess is a woman who drives a Subaru and owns a softball mitt because it reveals nothing about the male psyche.
ATLANTA -8 over Cleveland
Michael Vick needs to get this one. And Cleveland is the worst sports city in the country, right? When LeBron goes to New York or Los Angeles they will officially be Cincinnati North.
Green Bay +5.5 over MINNESOTA
As much as I despise Brett Favre, he doesn't get rattled in the roller dome.
JACKSONVILLE -10.5 over Houston
Well, the Jags knocked me out of my suicide pool when they number two'd the bed a few weeks ago at the Texans. Can't happen again, right?
Kansas City -1.5 over MIAMI
This might be a little revenge pick on my part after the Dolphins came to Chicago and, well... Anyway, Damon Huard is playing excellent as a starter.
NEW ENGLAND -10.5 over New York Jets
First time I've gone against the Drunken Joe Namath's all season. Back me up, Tom Brady, back me up.
CINCINATTI +1.5 over San Diego
Chargers haven't beaten a team with a winning record this season. Carson Palmer has got to shake the rust off real soon.
San Francisco +6 over DETROIT
Despite the emergence of Kevin Jones for the Lions, Niners should be getting more respect after beating a decent Minnesota team last week (I hit that one by the way).
PHILADELPHIA -7 over Washington
I really don't know about this one. Has any NFC East game gone the way it should this season? Is there even a way TO predict the way NFC East games should go?
Denver +9 over OAKLAND
Donkeys are starting to put it together on both sides of the ball. Raiders returned to form (being the WORST TEAM EVER) last Monday night.
New Orleans +4.5 over PITTSBURGH
Steelers are one punch away from having their left retina completely detached from their eyeball. Picture Mick slapping Rocky in the face because he can't see the left hook coming.
Dallas -7 over ARIZONA
If the Cowboys lose this game Bill Parcells drives home from the game stopping at every IHOP and Cracker Barrel between Phoenix and Dallas.
SEATTLE -3.5 over St. Louis
Seahawks defense looked really nasty against that JV high school team from Oakland on Monday night.
Chicago even over NEW YORK GIANTS
People jumped off the Bears bandwagon this week like someone threw a bag of blood in the air and screamed "AIDS!"
Tampa Bay +10 over CAROLINA
You DON'T give Bruce Gradkowski ten points and get away with it, people. Do not challenge B-Grad!
Last week: 7-7
The Indefinitely Suspended Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diaper Pick of the Week: still 1-6
Overall: 57-55-1
posted by David Stassen at 4:09 PM
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