Week 9 NFL Picks: Running Low on House Money
I am the opposite of hot right now. If you want to go bizzaro and go against all of my picks this week, I understand. But that's just what the gambling Gods want you to do. And that, my friends, is why we must persevere...
Home team in CAPS:
Atlanta -5 over DETROIT
Matt Millen's tenure as GM has set Detroit back 10 years. I love watching them suck because every journalist and TV guy in the country LOVED Millen when he was a Fox announcer (and a terrible one at that) and they were so stoked on him "turning the Lions around" when he was hired. Now they all hate him. I always hated him. I'm the best.
Cincinnati +3 over BALTIMORE
Cincy went into Pittsburgh and won earlier this season. That's basically all I got. That, and I still don't believe these Ravens are for real.
WASHINGTON +1 over Dallas
I was gonna go with the 'Boys in this one until I remembered it was the NFL, and, more specifically, the NFC East where nothing remains consistent from week to week. The NFC East reminds me of the SEC: they beat each other up and, as a collective, they're a little overrated.
BUFFALO -3 over Green Bay
Did you hear that punk Donald Driver saying Green Bay was hoping to win a few more games and maybe the Bears would lose a few and then that Packers-Bears game at the end of the season would mean something? Dude, you just beat the Dolphins and Cardinals back-to-back. You still stink.
NEW YORK GIANTS -13 over Houston
Somebody should familiarize Tiki Barber with the term "over-exposure."
ST. LOUIS -3 over Kansas City
Chiefs are a little resurgent right now but their young quarterback has to go into that noisy dome full of obnoxious, gloating Cardinals fans. Steven Jackson has a big day.
CHICAGO -13.5 over Miami
I don't so much want the Bears to go undefeated as I want that lame '72 Dolphins team to shut the f#*k up.
TAMPA BAY +1 over New Orleans
You DON'T just walk into Bruce Gradkowski's house and come out with a win. You just DON'T! But on a serious note, what's up with the new Reggie Bush haters? If the Saints draft some defensive end you think Deuce McCallister is getting 4.7 yards per carry and the Saints are 5-2?
JACKSONVILLE -9 over Tennessee
I don't know about the Jags. Who are they? Beating the Eagles on the road or losing to the Texans?
SAN FRANCISCO +6.5 over Minnesota
Brad Johnson sure looked liked the veteran, consistent, mistake-free field general on Monday night that all the announcers love, didn't he? He didn't? Oh yeah, that's right. He sucks and I'd take Alex Smith over him every day of the week.
SAN DIEGO +12.5 over Cleveland
One of the few easy games remaining on San Diego's schedule. Take advantage.
Denver +2 over PITTSBURGH
To my friends who are Steelers fans: you had a good run.
Indianapolis +1 over NEW ENGLAND
Nobody stops the Colts. Nobody...in the regular season.
SEATTLE -7.5 over Oakland
If Oakland covers this week, I'll get one foot on the bandwagon. One.
Last week: 5-9
The Still Suspended Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diaper Picks of the Week: 1-6
Overall: 50-48-2
Home team in CAPS:
Atlanta -5 over DETROIT
Matt Millen's tenure as GM has set Detroit back 10 years. I love watching them suck because every journalist and TV guy in the country LOVED Millen when he was a Fox announcer (and a terrible one at that) and they were so stoked on him "turning the Lions around" when he was hired. Now they all hate him. I always hated him. I'm the best.
Cincinnati +3 over BALTIMORE
Cincy went into Pittsburgh and won earlier this season. That's basically all I got. That, and I still don't believe these Ravens are for real.
WASHINGTON +1 over Dallas
I was gonna go with the 'Boys in this one until I remembered it was the NFL, and, more specifically, the NFC East where nothing remains consistent from week to week. The NFC East reminds me of the SEC: they beat each other up and, as a collective, they're a little overrated.
BUFFALO -3 over Green Bay
Did you hear that punk Donald Driver saying Green Bay was hoping to win a few more games and maybe the Bears would lose a few and then that Packers-Bears game at the end of the season would mean something? Dude, you just beat the Dolphins and Cardinals back-to-back. You still stink.
NEW YORK GIANTS -13 over Houston
Somebody should familiarize Tiki Barber with the term "over-exposure."
ST. LOUIS -3 over Kansas City
Chiefs are a little resurgent right now but their young quarterback has to go into that noisy dome full of obnoxious, gloating Cardinals fans. Steven Jackson has a big day.
CHICAGO -13.5 over Miami
I don't so much want the Bears to go undefeated as I want that lame '72 Dolphins team to shut the f#*k up.
TAMPA BAY +1 over New Orleans
You DON'T just walk into Bruce Gradkowski's house and come out with a win. You just DON'T! But on a serious note, what's up with the new Reggie Bush haters? If the Saints draft some defensive end you think Deuce McCallister is getting 4.7 yards per carry and the Saints are 5-2?
JACKSONVILLE -9 over Tennessee
I don't know about the Jags. Who are they? Beating the Eagles on the road or losing to the Texans?
SAN FRANCISCO +6.5 over Minnesota
Brad Johnson sure looked liked the veteran, consistent, mistake-free field general on Monday night that all the announcers love, didn't he? He didn't? Oh yeah, that's right. He sucks and I'd take Alex Smith over him every day of the week.
SAN DIEGO +12.5 over Cleveland
One of the few easy games remaining on San Diego's schedule. Take advantage.
Denver +2 over PITTSBURGH
To my friends who are Steelers fans: you had a good run.
Indianapolis +1 over NEW ENGLAND
Nobody stops the Colts. Nobody...in the regular season.
SEATTLE -7.5 over Oakland
If Oakland covers this week, I'll get one foot on the bandwagon. One.
Last week: 5-9
The Still Suspended Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diaper Picks of the Week: 1-6
Overall: 50-48-2
posted by David Stassen at 10:22 AM
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