Week 4 NFL Picks: Returning To Form
Yep, really did it last week. Total embarrassment. I had a bad feeling, rushed my picks to get to that wedding and now have a lot of making up to do. Let’s get it on…
Home team in CAPS:
NEW YORK JETS +7 over Indianapolis
The Jets have been treating me good this season. Colts weren't that impressive in the dome last week. And Peyton Manning has to pay some sort of karma penalty for the commercial saturation, right?
CAROLINA -8 over New Orleans
Just to be the biggest jerks of all time, Carolina fans should wear their Hurricane jerseys on Sunday. Joe Horn would be so incensed he would be unable to catch a pass. What? Too soon?
BUFFALO even over Minnesota
Minnesota has a good defense. We get it. But they pretty much stink on offense. Brad "Check Down" Johnson is making Troy Williamson the most overrated fantasy wide receiver pick of the year (yes, I have him in two leagues).
ATLANTA -7 over Arizona
This is risky. Falcons showed on Monday night that a bad Michael Vick is a terribly waste of one’s money. But that was in New Orleans and I think Spike Lee bribed Jim Mora Jr. to blow the game so his documentary would look extra powerful. Kurt Warner's the got the shpilkies (Yiddish for shaky hands).
San Diego -3 over BALTIMORE
Let's see: proven Chargers, coming off a bye week with the best running back in the league and the NFL's most dominant defensive player vs. a Ravens team that needed a 52-yard field goal last week to beat the CLEVELAND BROWNS. Okay, I'm taking it. It is now UNCLE DAVE'S STINK-FREE DIAPER PICK OF THE WEEK (which is actually bordering on curse status).
Miami -4 over HOUSTON
Nick Saban had the Dolphins poised at the end of last season. What happened? I still believe they're 4 points better than the Texans.
San Francisco +7.5 over KANSAS CITY
I started to write about how I was for KC in this one. Then I wrote the words "Herm Edwards" and I erased it all. Niners showing improvement thus far. Yeah, I just wrote “thus.” So what?
Dallas -7 over TENNESSEE
What is left to say about Terrell Owens? This: the rumor is he was about to be outted for being a homosexual and tried to overdose. Pretty conspiratorial but here some intriguing sides to that argument: He tried to out Jeff Garcia when he was in SF. That's pretty closet-casey, right? He did sit-ups in his driveway surrounded by twenty dudes with cameras. And the Dallas PD referred to him as a "fancy little football player." Fancy? In Texas, that means one thing. Anyway, the Titans suck.
ST. LOUIS -7 over Detroit
Mike Martz is gonna have all sorts of "fancy" plays for his return to the Lou. Too bad Jon Kitna, Kevin Jones and Roy Williams will be the ones attempting to execute them.
Jacksonville -2.5 over WASHINGTON
I couldn’t decide so this is my friend Ike's pick. Let's break down his credentials: actor: that's minus 1. Used to live in Europe: -2. Ohio State fan: -3. Oh, and he's an actor: -17. So, yeah, good luck with this one.
Cleveland -1 over OAKLAND
Will either team make it to a BCS game? Too early to tell.
New England +4 over CINCINNATI
All week I was dead set on the Bengals. But that's EXACTLY what Bill Belichick wants you to do. Well played, coach. Well played.
CHICAGO -1 over Seattle
I know this is just me being superstitious. I can't go against my boys. But for realsies, this time, I'm right.
PHILADELPHIA -10 over Green Bay
The last time Brett Favre played well on Monday night I was sitting in a freshmen dorm in Evanston Illinois trying to figure out why all the Asian kids were big time Christians. Thank you! Thank you! Tip your waitress.
Last week: 4-9-1
Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diapers: 1-3
Season: 24-21-1
Home team in CAPS:
NEW YORK JETS +7 over Indianapolis
The Jets have been treating me good this season. Colts weren't that impressive in the dome last week. And Peyton Manning has to pay some sort of karma penalty for the commercial saturation, right?
CAROLINA -8 over New Orleans
Just to be the biggest jerks of all time, Carolina fans should wear their Hurricane jerseys on Sunday. Joe Horn would be so incensed he would be unable to catch a pass. What? Too soon?
BUFFALO even over Minnesota
Minnesota has a good defense. We get it. But they pretty much stink on offense. Brad "Check Down" Johnson is making Troy Williamson the most overrated fantasy wide receiver pick of the year (yes, I have him in two leagues).
ATLANTA -7 over Arizona
This is risky. Falcons showed on Monday night that a bad Michael Vick is a terribly waste of one’s money. But that was in New Orleans and I think Spike Lee bribed Jim Mora Jr. to blow the game so his documentary would look extra powerful. Kurt Warner's the got the shpilkies (Yiddish for shaky hands).
San Diego -3 over BALTIMORE
Let's see: proven Chargers, coming off a bye week with the best running back in the league and the NFL's most dominant defensive player vs. a Ravens team that needed a 52-yard field goal last week to beat the CLEVELAND BROWNS. Okay, I'm taking it. It is now UNCLE DAVE'S STINK-FREE DIAPER PICK OF THE WEEK (which is actually bordering on curse status).
Miami -4 over HOUSTON
Nick Saban had the Dolphins poised at the end of last season. What happened? I still believe they're 4 points better than the Texans.
San Francisco +7.5 over KANSAS CITY
I started to write about how I was for KC in this one. Then I wrote the words "Herm Edwards" and I erased it all. Niners showing improvement thus far. Yeah, I just wrote “thus.” So what?
Dallas -7 over TENNESSEE
What is left to say about Terrell Owens? This: the rumor is he was about to be outted for being a homosexual and tried to overdose. Pretty conspiratorial but here some intriguing sides to that argument: He tried to out Jeff Garcia when he was in SF. That's pretty closet-casey, right? He did sit-ups in his driveway surrounded by twenty dudes with cameras. And the Dallas PD referred to him as a "fancy little football player." Fancy? In Texas, that means one thing. Anyway, the Titans suck.
ST. LOUIS -7 over Detroit
Mike Martz is gonna have all sorts of "fancy" plays for his return to the Lou. Too bad Jon Kitna, Kevin Jones and Roy Williams will be the ones attempting to execute them.
Jacksonville -2.5 over WASHINGTON
I couldn’t decide so this is my friend Ike's pick. Let's break down his credentials: actor: that's minus 1. Used to live in Europe: -2. Ohio State fan: -3. Oh, and he's an actor: -17. So, yeah, good luck with this one.
Cleveland -1 over OAKLAND
Will either team make it to a BCS game? Too early to tell.
New England +4 over CINCINNATI
All week I was dead set on the Bengals. But that's EXACTLY what Bill Belichick wants you to do. Well played, coach. Well played.
CHICAGO -1 over Seattle
I know this is just me being superstitious. I can't go against my boys. But for realsies, this time, I'm right.
PHILADELPHIA -10 over Green Bay
The last time Brett Favre played well on Monday night I was sitting in a freshmen dorm in Evanston Illinois trying to figure out why all the Asian kids were big time Christians. Thank you! Thank you! Tip your waitress.
Last week: 4-9-1
Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diapers: 1-3
Season: 24-21-1
posted by David Stassen at 6:34 PM
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