Week 5 NFL Picks
What if I were to tell you that Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diaper Pick of the Week had an overall record of 1-4 and that you should probably go ahead and bet the opposite way from now on? Is that something you might be interested in?
Home team in CAPS:
CHICAGO -10.5 over Buffalo
I'm not saying nothing...
Cleveland +9 over CAROLINA
Something about this Panthers team just isn't right. Romeo Crennell beat Carolina in the Super Bowl so he can game plan and Cleveland is coming off that HUGE win against the venerable Oakland Raiders. Well, maybe not venerable...is venereal an adjective?
Detroit +6 over MINNESOTA
So the Lions CAN score and how many more three and outs are we from Minnesotans booing Check Down Johnson off the field?
NEW ENGLAND -10 over Miami
Patriots are back on track, right? Well, I'm not sure but I do know the Dolphins stink.
St. Louis -2.5 over GREEN BAY
If I was any kind of gambler I'd do some research on this, but it seems like every Packers line this season has been terribly off because of the mystique still emanating from Brett Favre's lifeless, rotting corpse.
NEW ORLEANS -6 over Tampa Bay
Real quick demise for the Buccaneers. It happened like that (snapping my fingers)! But how are we going to know the Saints are REALLY back in New Orleans without 35 ESPN announcers there to tell us?
INDIANAPOLIS -18.5 over Tennessee
The Colts want to play a good one in front of their fans and what better way to do it than facing a rookie quarterback who doesn't seem so fast when he's not being chased by a 19-year old kid from Southeast Oklahoma State.
Washington +4 over NEW YORK GIANTS
UNCLE DAVE'S STINK-FREE DIAPER PICK OF THE WEEK
This feels like a close game to me. Then again, I just screwed the Redskins, didn't I?
ARIZONA +3 over Kansas City
Don't count out the Cards just yet. Trent Green just woke up and wants to know if they beat the Bengals.
New York Jets +7.5 over JACKSONVILLE
Love those Jets, baby! Covering machines! I'm 3-0 when I take 'em.
SAN FRANCISCO -3.5 over Oakland
Giving 3.5 points is like winning the Super Bowl for the Niners. Seriously, after the whole T.O. mess, who would EVER trade for Randy Moss? Would anyone want him?
PHILADELPHIA -2 over Dallas
Pre-game hype has been quiet so far. I'm sure that'll change once Chris Berman gets a couple of bear claws in him Sunday morning.
SAN DIEGO -3.5 over Pittsburgh
Steelers not looking so hot. Let's just hope Hines Ward gets in the endzone multiple times 'cause I need a fantasy win bad.
DENVER -4 over Baltimore
Ravens took it to a good Chargers team last week but the Broncos have too many weapons.
Last week: 8-6
Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diapers: 1-4
Season: 32-27-1
ZEV THE MAN-CHILD'S SPECIAL SPECIALS:
DENVER -4 over Baltimore
The Broncos will beat the Ravens on the Monday night showdown. I'm not exactly sure why. The Ravens still have no offense and they are going up against a good defense in Mile High. McNair is not gonna be able to pull a rabbit out of his hat this week.
Kansas City +3 over ARIZONA
Welcome to the pro's, Mr. Leinart. Have fun going up against the number three defense. After the Chiefs whooped the 49ers last week expect more of the same this week.
Home team in CAPS:
CHICAGO -10.5 over Buffalo
I'm not saying nothing...
Cleveland +9 over CAROLINA
Something about this Panthers team just isn't right. Romeo Crennell beat Carolina in the Super Bowl so he can game plan and Cleveland is coming off that HUGE win against the venerable Oakland Raiders. Well, maybe not venerable...is venereal an adjective?
Detroit +6 over MINNESOTA
So the Lions CAN score and how many more three and outs are we from Minnesotans booing Check Down Johnson off the field?
NEW ENGLAND -10 over Miami
Patriots are back on track, right? Well, I'm not sure but I do know the Dolphins stink.
St. Louis -2.5 over GREEN BAY
If I was any kind of gambler I'd do some research on this, but it seems like every Packers line this season has been terribly off because of the mystique still emanating from Brett Favre's lifeless, rotting corpse.
NEW ORLEANS -6 over Tampa Bay
Real quick demise for the Buccaneers. It happened like that (snapping my fingers)! But how are we going to know the Saints are REALLY back in New Orleans without 35 ESPN announcers there to tell us?
INDIANAPOLIS -18.5 over Tennessee
The Colts want to play a good one in front of their fans and what better way to do it than facing a rookie quarterback who doesn't seem so fast when he's not being chased by a 19-year old kid from Southeast Oklahoma State.
Washington +4 over NEW YORK GIANTS
UNCLE DAVE'S STINK-FREE DIAPER PICK OF THE WEEK
This feels like a close game to me. Then again, I just screwed the Redskins, didn't I?
ARIZONA +3 over Kansas City
Don't count out the Cards just yet. Trent Green just woke up and wants to know if they beat the Bengals.
New York Jets +7.5 over JACKSONVILLE
Love those Jets, baby! Covering machines! I'm 3-0 when I take 'em.
SAN FRANCISCO -3.5 over Oakland
Giving 3.5 points is like winning the Super Bowl for the Niners. Seriously, after the whole T.O. mess, who would EVER trade for Randy Moss? Would anyone want him?
PHILADELPHIA -2 over Dallas
Pre-game hype has been quiet so far. I'm sure that'll change once Chris Berman gets a couple of bear claws in him Sunday morning.
SAN DIEGO -3.5 over Pittsburgh
Steelers not looking so hot. Let's just hope Hines Ward gets in the endzone multiple times 'cause I need a fantasy win bad.
DENVER -4 over Baltimore
Ravens took it to a good Chargers team last week but the Broncos have too many weapons.
Last week: 8-6
Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diapers: 1-4
Season: 32-27-1
ZEV THE MAN-CHILD'S SPECIAL SPECIALS:
DENVER -4 over Baltimore
The Broncos will beat the Ravens on the Monday night showdown. I'm not exactly sure why. The Ravens still have no offense and they are going up against a good defense in Mile High. McNair is not gonna be able to pull a rabbit out of his hat this week.
Kansas City +3 over ARIZONA
Welcome to the pro's, Mr. Leinart. Have fun going up against the number three defense. After the Chiefs whooped the 49ers last week expect more of the same this week.
posted by David Stassen at 11:32 AM
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