Week 8 NFL Picks: I am the Dawg!
Did anyone see the "Southpark" from last week where Cartman becomes hall monitor and the power goes straight to his head? Hilarious. Buy it on i-Tunes.
Almost all road dawgs this week. 12 out of 14 games favor the home team. Let's see what I can brew up as Halloween approaches...
But before I do, I need to make an announcement here. Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diaper Pick of the Week has been suspended for conduct detrimental to the team. His choice last week of Jacksonville -9 over Houston was so far off base, it's as if he knows nothing about sports whatsoever. We are all dumber for having listened to him. Why don't you sit out the next couple plays, Champ.
Home team in CAPS:
GREEN BAY -3.5 over Arizona
Has a professional group of athletes ever folded quicker than these Cards? I mean, sure, the Bears tore out their hearts on national TV, but the Raiders? You lost to the Raiders? Bad thing about this game is simple-minded Packers fans are going to get their cheese-clogged hopes up after wins against Miami and Arizona.
Atlanta +3.5 over CINCINATTI
This is a letdown game for both teams. In a situation as tricky as this I'm going with the team averaging 6.1 yards per carry whose quarterback is coming off the best passing game of his career.
NEW ORLEANS -1 over Baltimore
Really? Minus one? Okay.
TENNESSEE -3 over Houston
Uh, yeah, I'm totally backing the Titans. This is a match-up so enticing I've been pouring over the numbers all week. I've nailed it down based on a complete and thorough analysis of every possible factor. But seriously, I don't know anything except Houston sucks on the road.
PHILADELPHIA -4 over Jacksonville
At home and the Eagles need this one bad. Jaguars seem a little over hyped, especially when you consider that win over Pittsburgh isn't looking so hot now that the Steelers are 2-4.
KANSAS CITY -6 over Seattle
Hello, Seattle. This is the injury bug. Nice to meet you. Mind if I hang with you guys a while? Great, thanks.
CHICAGO -17 over San Francisco
What? Shut-up.
Tampa Bay -9 over NEW YORK GIANTS
I just don't trust this Giants team yet. They're good. But they would've lost that game in Philly if Plaxico's fumble hadn't been kicked 30 yards into the endzone. Then they go to Seattle, can't get up for the defending NFC champs and get slaughtered. Tampa's beaten Bengals and Eagles last two weeks. This Gradkowksi kid looks alright but I still think he ought to be one of the eight Streets and Sanitation workers it takes to replace a stop sign at Lawrence and Western.
St. Louis -10 over SAN DIEGO
Rams are just a solid team this year that no one is going to dominate by ten plus points. Could Chargers again be the best team in the NFL to NOT make the playoffs?
DENVER +2.5 over Indianapolis
Denver can run the ball. Indy can't stop the run. That's worth a few points in my book ("An Idiot Wrote This Here Book About Gambling" is the name of my book by the way. Available at Amazon.com).
New York Jets +1 over CLEVELAND
These Jets are some gritty little dirtbags. They're gonna play hard in anticipation of that sweet bye week.
Pittsburgh -9 over OAKLAND
The first home dawg of the week and it's not the least bit sexy. Steelers put up 38 at Atlanta last week. If they can't have similar success here, well, I'm just gonna write Coach Cowher a strongly worded letter.
CAROLINA -5.5 over Dallas
Have you two met? Tony Romo's face. Dirt. Dirt. Tony Romo's face.
MINNESOTA +3 over New England
Just like last year, the Patriots are a bit Jekyll and Hyde this season. Hate picking NFC North teams but Vikings at home on Monday night? I'm taking this home dawg.
Last week: 6-7
Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diaper Lock of the Week (R.I.P.): 1-6
Overall: 45-39-2
Almost all road dawgs this week. 12 out of 14 games favor the home team. Let's see what I can brew up as Halloween approaches...
But before I do, I need to make an announcement here. Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diaper Pick of the Week has been suspended for conduct detrimental to the team. His choice last week of Jacksonville -9 over Houston was so far off base, it's as if he knows nothing about sports whatsoever. We are all dumber for having listened to him. Why don't you sit out the next couple plays, Champ.
Home team in CAPS:
GREEN BAY -3.5 over Arizona
Has a professional group of athletes ever folded quicker than these Cards? I mean, sure, the Bears tore out their hearts on national TV, but the Raiders? You lost to the Raiders? Bad thing about this game is simple-minded Packers fans are going to get their cheese-clogged hopes up after wins against Miami and Arizona.
Atlanta +3.5 over CINCINATTI
This is a letdown game for both teams. In a situation as tricky as this I'm going with the team averaging 6.1 yards per carry whose quarterback is coming off the best passing game of his career.
NEW ORLEANS -1 over Baltimore
Really? Minus one? Okay.
TENNESSEE -3 over Houston
Uh, yeah, I'm totally backing the Titans. This is a match-up so enticing I've been pouring over the numbers all week. I've nailed it down based on a complete and thorough analysis of every possible factor. But seriously, I don't know anything except Houston sucks on the road.
PHILADELPHIA -4 over Jacksonville
At home and the Eagles need this one bad. Jaguars seem a little over hyped, especially when you consider that win over Pittsburgh isn't looking so hot now that the Steelers are 2-4.
KANSAS CITY -6 over Seattle
Hello, Seattle. This is the injury bug. Nice to meet you. Mind if I hang with you guys a while? Great, thanks.
CHICAGO -17 over San Francisco
What? Shut-up.
Tampa Bay -9 over NEW YORK GIANTS
I just don't trust this Giants team yet. They're good. But they would've lost that game in Philly if Plaxico's fumble hadn't been kicked 30 yards into the endzone. Then they go to Seattle, can't get up for the defending NFC champs and get slaughtered. Tampa's beaten Bengals and Eagles last two weeks. This Gradkowksi kid looks alright but I still think he ought to be one of the eight Streets and Sanitation workers it takes to replace a stop sign at Lawrence and Western.
St. Louis -10 over SAN DIEGO
Rams are just a solid team this year that no one is going to dominate by ten plus points. Could Chargers again be the best team in the NFL to NOT make the playoffs?
DENVER +2.5 over Indianapolis
Denver can run the ball. Indy can't stop the run. That's worth a few points in my book ("An Idiot Wrote This Here Book About Gambling" is the name of my book by the way. Available at Amazon.com).
New York Jets +1 over CLEVELAND
These Jets are some gritty little dirtbags. They're gonna play hard in anticipation of that sweet bye week.
Pittsburgh -9 over OAKLAND
The first home dawg of the week and it's not the least bit sexy. Steelers put up 38 at Atlanta last week. If they can't have similar success here, well, I'm just gonna write Coach Cowher a strongly worded letter.
CAROLINA -5.5 over Dallas
Have you two met? Tony Romo's face. Dirt. Dirt. Tony Romo's face.
MINNESOTA +3 over New England
Just like last year, the Patriots are a bit Jekyll and Hyde this season. Hate picking NFC North teams but Vikings at home on Monday night? I'm taking this home dawg.
Last week: 6-7
Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diaper Lock of the Week (R.I.P.): 1-6
Overall: 45-39-2
posted by David Stassen at 4:38 PM
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