Week 3 NFL Picks: They Call Me Rainman
Another good one, folks. My best two weeks EVER. AND they were consecutive. Things could get a bit more hairy this week with a bunch of tough games. I've gotta make this quick because I'm going to a wedding in Colorado for the weekend. Let's see what my impetuous and poorly-conceived theories have to say...
(Home team in CAPS)
Carolina -3 over TAMPA BAY
Carolina makes the playoffs. I'm not even worried about it. Tampa's offensive line is about to get man-handled by Julius Peppers and Co.
Chicago -3 over MINNESOTA
If Carolina doesn't try a CROSSFIELD LATERAL on a PUNT RETURN when up by a TOUCHDOWN in the FOURTH QUARTER, the Vikings lose and the Bears are seven point favorites.
PITTSBURGH -2 over Cincinnati
I figure Big Ben needed one game at full-speed (Jacksonville loss) to get his head on straight. That being said, Bengals won the division last year and got whooped at home in the playoffs by Steelers so this could be payback. See, this is a tough week.
DETROIT -6.5 over Green Bay
I went against all moral fibers in my body last week, took the Packers, and all I got was a big fat L. Lions offense needs to do something at some point with Mike Martz calling his crazy plays. Might as well be against the lowly Pack.
Jacksonville +7 over Indianapolis
I know I'm going against Indy at home two weeks in a row. But the Jags D looked ridiculous on Monday night. And it's kinda fun to root against Peyton.
New York Jets +5.5 over Buffalo
I like the Jets. They're fighters. Got down 17 to the almighty Patriots last week and made a real game of it. Bills shutout Dolphins last week but I think everyone agrees Daunte Culpepper is a shadow of his former self at this point.
MIAMI -9 over Tennessee
The Titans are a real mess. Nick Saban has to be killing the 'Fins all week for the egg they laid in their home opener. Man I'm a hypocrite. Ripping on Culpepper in the paragraph above and then taking his team right here. Hey, if someone starts paying me to do this, I'll stop being a jackass.
Washington -4 over HOUSTON
Redskins are better than 0-2...I think...
Baltimore -6.5 over CLEVELAND
UNCLE DAVE'S STINK-FREE DIAPER PICK OF THE WEEK
Man, lotta road faves this week. But Baltimore looks legit. Cleveland looks like they're in the 11th consecutive year of rebuilding and a tuddy and the extra point ain't that much to ask for. Ed Reed might take two to the house on his own.
SEATTLE -3.5 over New York Giants
I hate the Seahawks because I seem them as a threat to the Bears, but the Giants just won an emotional overtime game and Seattle's got some wicked homefield advantage.
Philadelphia -6 over SAN FRANCISCO
I got the Eagles in a suicide pool. That's my confidence on this one.
ARIZONA -4 over St. Louis
Cards are going to be tough at home all season. And despite the Rams being the newest trendy "sleeper" pick, they lost to the Niners last week. That's enough for me.
NEW ENGLAND -5 over Denver
Denver just doesn't look like the Super Bowl contender they were touted to be. They faced Chiefs backup QB Damon Huard (I don't know if that name is right, either) last week and really handed it to KC to the tune of 9-6. Patriots haven't gotten it going yet this year. It happens in Foxboro.
Atlanta -3 over NEW ORLEANS
I know I'm a bad guy for going against the Saints in their first game in the Superdome since Katrina. But the Falcons look like the best team in the NFC (I can admit it, it's only week three) and Nawlins has defeated Cleveland and Green Bay.
Have a good week. I'll be searching for a sports bar with satellite TV's at high altitude.
Last week: 10-6
Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diapers: 1-2
Season: 20-12
(Home team in CAPS)
Carolina -3 over TAMPA BAY
Carolina makes the playoffs. I'm not even worried about it. Tampa's offensive line is about to get man-handled by Julius Peppers and Co.
Chicago -3 over MINNESOTA
If Carolina doesn't try a CROSSFIELD LATERAL on a PUNT RETURN when up by a TOUCHDOWN in the FOURTH QUARTER, the Vikings lose and the Bears are seven point favorites.
PITTSBURGH -2 over Cincinnati
I figure Big Ben needed one game at full-speed (Jacksonville loss) to get his head on straight. That being said, Bengals won the division last year and got whooped at home in the playoffs by Steelers so this could be payback. See, this is a tough week.
DETROIT -6.5 over Green Bay
I went against all moral fibers in my body last week, took the Packers, and all I got was a big fat L. Lions offense needs to do something at some point with Mike Martz calling his crazy plays. Might as well be against the lowly Pack.
Jacksonville +7 over Indianapolis
I know I'm going against Indy at home two weeks in a row. But the Jags D looked ridiculous on Monday night. And it's kinda fun to root against Peyton.
New York Jets +5.5 over Buffalo
I like the Jets. They're fighters. Got down 17 to the almighty Patriots last week and made a real game of it. Bills shutout Dolphins last week but I think everyone agrees Daunte Culpepper is a shadow of his former self at this point.
MIAMI -9 over Tennessee
The Titans are a real mess. Nick Saban has to be killing the 'Fins all week for the egg they laid in their home opener. Man I'm a hypocrite. Ripping on Culpepper in the paragraph above and then taking his team right here. Hey, if someone starts paying me to do this, I'll stop being a jackass.
Washington -4 over HOUSTON
Redskins are better than 0-2...I think...
Baltimore -6.5 over CLEVELAND
UNCLE DAVE'S STINK-FREE DIAPER PICK OF THE WEEK
Man, lotta road faves this week. But Baltimore looks legit. Cleveland looks like they're in the 11th consecutive year of rebuilding and a tuddy and the extra point ain't that much to ask for. Ed Reed might take two to the house on his own.
SEATTLE -3.5 over New York Giants
I hate the Seahawks because I seem them as a threat to the Bears, but the Giants just won an emotional overtime game and Seattle's got some wicked homefield advantage.
Philadelphia -6 over SAN FRANCISCO
I got the Eagles in a suicide pool. That's my confidence on this one.
ARIZONA -4 over St. Louis
Cards are going to be tough at home all season. And despite the Rams being the newest trendy "sleeper" pick, they lost to the Niners last week. That's enough for me.
NEW ENGLAND -5 over Denver
Denver just doesn't look like the Super Bowl contender they were touted to be. They faced Chiefs backup QB Damon Huard (I don't know if that name is right, either) last week and really handed it to KC to the tune of 9-6. Patriots haven't gotten it going yet this year. It happens in Foxboro.
Atlanta -3 over NEW ORLEANS
I know I'm a bad guy for going against the Saints in their first game in the Superdome since Katrina. But the Falcons look like the best team in the NFC (I can admit it, it's only week three) and Nawlins has defeated Cleveland and Green Bay.
Have a good week. I'll be searching for a sports bar with satellite TV's at high altitude.
Last week: 10-6
Uncle Dave's Stink-Free Diapers: 1-2
Season: 20-12
posted by David Stassen at 10:41 PM
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