Week 1 Bears Recap: Comfort Food
It was a great way to start the season, right? The most satisfying season opener I can remember in years. Of course, dread immediately replaced euphoria. It can only be downhill from here. The football gods will never let us be this successful all season. Maybe ’85 is as good as it gets.
Yes, the pessimism is strong within me. But it’s a long season and we need to break out of this fact-free negative thinking. The Bears looked good. Rex Grossman was ridiculously accurate, our rookies stepped up with a touchdown (Devin Hester), a pick (Danieal Manning) and a sack (Mark Anderson), and the defense pitched a shutout.
I went to my friend Andrew’s house for the game and let me tell you, this bastard loves his food. He had a nice little spread going all day and when I thought about it afterwards, I realized all of the food could represent portions of the Bears 26-0 victory over the scum known as the Green Bay Packers.
New School:
Andrew grilled up some buffalo burgers right before kick-off. I didn’t know this, but apparently buffalo meat is a lot leaner than regular cow meat. I suppose it did taste a little different but after smothering the thing in ketchup, horseradish mustard and grilled onions and mushrooms I couldn’t tell what large murdered Prairie beast I was inhaling.
Anyway, witness the lean and mean 2006 Bears offense. Muhsin Muhammed (6 catches, 102 yards) had said before the game he lost 10-15 pounds in the off-season and never felt more explosive (My buddy Traeger made reference to this fact 10-15 times during the game so I am obliged to mention him). And Moose looked good. Fast off the line of scrimmage, wide open with sharp routes and some badass hands that grabbed everything thrown his way.
The same goes for tight end Desmond Clark who trimmed down in the off-season to be more of an offensive weapon. Clark had 5 catches for 77 yards. Yeah, that’s right. A Bears tight end not named Ditka (toast whatever you’re drinking) had a big offensive day.
Lean and mean. The new Bears offense. Kinda like what coach Lovie Smith has always preached on the other side of the ball.
Old School:
Just so everyone doesn’t make a big stink about me eating “less fattening” buffalo burgers and turning all California, we also had some spicy Italian sausages. That’s an old school jam, people.
What was old school about the Bears on Sunday? It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? The shutout. The turnovers. Our defense tossing Brett Favre around like a Green Bay wife after another Packers loss. At least for one day, the Bears D played like it did all of last season and kept our expectations high for the future.
The Tasty Sides:
Burgers and sausages are great, but you definitely need a little finger food to tide you over in between bites of grilled flesh.
The rookies making plays were like the delicious bags of Kettle Chips Andrew provided for our enjoyment (New York Cheddar and some new flavor with like goat cheese or something).
And Brett Favre running off the field and down that dark tunnel before the game ended was delicious. Delicious like the sauerkraut we piled high on the Italian sausages.
Seriously, Favre is so terrible and ashamed of himself he wouldn’t even stick around so the opposing team could come up and kiss his butt like he did after all 12 losses last season.
Everyone says what is happening to Favre is so sad. Every commentator in America must have had a high school crush on Brett because his free pass knows no bounds. Running off the field before the game ended? Randy Moss did that a few years ago with the Vikings and I think Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long tried to press charges.
Anyway, screw Favre. It’s his time to suffer. This guy ruined the 90’s for every Bears fan out there. I refuse to feel guilty about payback. I hope we reduce him to tears at Soldier Field in December.
The Wildcard:
Beer. You never know what’s going to happen when you crack open a few cold ones. The same can be said for rookie punt returner Devin Hester. This guy can take it to the house anytime the opposing team is stupid enough to kick at him. He almost took two back in preseason and I didn’t even see most of the preseason games. Hester: four punt return tuddy’s this season. Minimum.
This Sunday: home against Detroit. I’m headed to a purported Bears bar in Burbank. I checked out the menu online and it looks promising. Buffalo chicken strips and fifty-cent beers when ever the Bears score a touchdown should compliment another divisional drubbing quite nicely.
Yes, the pessimism is strong within me. But it’s a long season and we need to break out of this fact-free negative thinking. The Bears looked good. Rex Grossman was ridiculously accurate, our rookies stepped up with a touchdown (Devin Hester), a pick (Danieal Manning) and a sack (Mark Anderson), and the defense pitched a shutout.
I went to my friend Andrew’s house for the game and let me tell you, this bastard loves his food. He had a nice little spread going all day and when I thought about it afterwards, I realized all of the food could represent portions of the Bears 26-0 victory over the scum known as the Green Bay Packers.
New School:
Andrew grilled up some buffalo burgers right before kick-off. I didn’t know this, but apparently buffalo meat is a lot leaner than regular cow meat. I suppose it did taste a little different but after smothering the thing in ketchup, horseradish mustard and grilled onions and mushrooms I couldn’t tell what large murdered Prairie beast I was inhaling.
Anyway, witness the lean and mean 2006 Bears offense. Muhsin Muhammed (6 catches, 102 yards) had said before the game he lost 10-15 pounds in the off-season and never felt more explosive (My buddy Traeger made reference to this fact 10-15 times during the game so I am obliged to mention him). And Moose looked good. Fast off the line of scrimmage, wide open with sharp routes and some badass hands that grabbed everything thrown his way.
The same goes for tight end Desmond Clark who trimmed down in the off-season to be more of an offensive weapon. Clark had 5 catches for 77 yards. Yeah, that’s right. A Bears tight end not named Ditka (toast whatever you’re drinking) had a big offensive day.
Lean and mean. The new Bears offense. Kinda like what coach Lovie Smith has always preached on the other side of the ball.
Old School:
Just so everyone doesn’t make a big stink about me eating “less fattening” buffalo burgers and turning all California, we also had some spicy Italian sausages. That’s an old school jam, people.
What was old school about the Bears on Sunday? It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? The shutout. The turnovers. Our defense tossing Brett Favre around like a Green Bay wife after another Packers loss. At least for one day, the Bears D played like it did all of last season and kept our expectations high for the future.
The Tasty Sides:
Burgers and sausages are great, but you definitely need a little finger food to tide you over in between bites of grilled flesh.
The rookies making plays were like the delicious bags of Kettle Chips Andrew provided for our enjoyment (New York Cheddar and some new flavor with like goat cheese or something).
And Brett Favre running off the field and down that dark tunnel before the game ended was delicious. Delicious like the sauerkraut we piled high on the Italian sausages.
Seriously, Favre is so terrible and ashamed of himself he wouldn’t even stick around so the opposing team could come up and kiss his butt like he did after all 12 losses last season.
Everyone says what is happening to Favre is so sad. Every commentator in America must have had a high school crush on Brett because his free pass knows no bounds. Running off the field before the game ended? Randy Moss did that a few years ago with the Vikings and I think Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long tried to press charges.
Anyway, screw Favre. It’s his time to suffer. This guy ruined the 90’s for every Bears fan out there. I refuse to feel guilty about payback. I hope we reduce him to tears at Soldier Field in December.
The Wildcard:
Beer. You never know what’s going to happen when you crack open a few cold ones. The same can be said for rookie punt returner Devin Hester. This guy can take it to the house anytime the opposing team is stupid enough to kick at him. He almost took two back in preseason and I didn’t even see most of the preseason games. Hester: four punt return tuddy’s this season. Minimum.
This Sunday: home against Detroit. I’m headed to a purported Bears bar in Burbank. I checked out the menu online and it looks promising. Buffalo chicken strips and fifty-cent beers when ever the Bears score a touchdown should compliment another divisional drubbing quite nicely.
posted by David Stassen at 11:03 PM
<< Home