Picking Games With The Legally Retarded
Last week 7-9. For the season 27-36-1.
This week is going to be the underdog special. Some of the lines seem a little high. Check it...
(home team in CAPS)
Tampa Bay +4.5 over NEW ENGLAND
When teams want to beat the Patriots this year they've pounded the rock. Cadillac Williams can do just that. That being said, Booger McFarland is out for the Bucs D so Corey Dillon might just do the same. Still, I'd rather have Booger McFarland out versus a questionable Tom Brady.
Kansas City +3 over N.Y. GIANTS
Every week the NFC East looks more and more overrated. Cowboys beat the Chiefs last week thanks to a pass interference called that wouldn't have been called in Arrowhead. Period. And the Chiefs still covered. So I like Larry Johnson with the rock against a back-sliding Eli "Big Weenie" Manning.
BUFFALO +8.5 over Denver
This is my first pick in the week of too-big-of-a-line Sunday. We're in December, when guaranteed playoff teams like the donkey's start to coast a little and crappy teams like the Bills think they are building something for "next year."
ARIZONA -1 over Houston
I don't know. Do we really care? I mean look at this game. I have an intramural basketball game on Sunday at noon. What are the chances we have more fans in the church gym? I'll set it at 5 to 1.
NEW ORLEANS +8 over Carolina
Too-big-of-a-line Sunday continues. Did gamblers not learn anything from the Panther's drubbing last week at the hands of the Buccaneers? Saints play hard. They suck and they're poorly coached, but they play hard.
MIAMI -7.5 over N.Y. Jets
Miami has really come on at the end of the year. But there's nothing very good to talk about with this game.
Pittsburgh -3 over MINNESOTA
In addition to too-big-of-a-line Sunday, it's also Pound the Rock week here on the short bus. Hopefully some chinks in the Vikings armor are revealed. We all know they haven't beaten a good team during this streak (except for the Giants game when they didn't score on offensive TD).
San Diego +7.5 over INDIANAPOLIS
I think the Colts end up 14 and 2. Losing this week and next week at Seattle. They've made their point.
TENNESSEE +7.5 over Seattle
Another one for too-big-of-a-line Sunday. Seattle is overrated. We're agreed, right? Their schedule is cake. Two games each against Cardinals, Niners and Rams?
JACKSONVILLE -14 over San Francisco
Reports are that Alex Smith has small hands and smells like cabbage.
ST. LOUIS -3 over Philadelphia
Battle of teams whose windows have passed. Sad. But the Rams still have a few weapons. Eagles called me this week to see if I could play d-back, but I couldn't get out of work.
Cincinnati -7 over DETROIT
The bad thing about Matt Millen's upcoming firing is that we'll have to listen to him do color on Fox next year.
OAKLAND -3 over Cleveland
This game sucks.
Dallas +3 over WASHINGTON
Big Tuna may have luscious man-jugs, but he can coach 'em up.
CHICAGO -3 over Atlanta
Sweet. Sunday night game means I get to watch this one on Deffy (my HDTV) instead of the bar with crappiest food in America.
Green Bay +3 over BALTIMORE
Are ABC execs insane? Did anyone think Baltimore would be decent this year? Wasn't there a strong hint in the preseason that the Packers could suck? Maybe hindsight is 20/20 but I definitely would have had Steelers-Vikings or Chiefs-Giants on MNF.
That is all. My friend Ben is taking a helicopter to Atlantic City on Friday night to go play cards. I'm about to defrost a Boston Market frozen turkey dinner. What drugs did I do in college that he didn't?
This week is going to be the underdog special. Some of the lines seem a little high. Check it...
(home team in CAPS)
Tampa Bay +4.5 over NEW ENGLAND
When teams want to beat the Patriots this year they've pounded the rock. Cadillac Williams can do just that. That being said, Booger McFarland is out for the Bucs D so Corey Dillon might just do the same. Still, I'd rather have Booger McFarland out versus a questionable Tom Brady.
Kansas City +3 over N.Y. GIANTS
Every week the NFC East looks more and more overrated. Cowboys beat the Chiefs last week thanks to a pass interference called that wouldn't have been called in Arrowhead. Period. And the Chiefs still covered. So I like Larry Johnson with the rock against a back-sliding Eli "Big Weenie" Manning.
BUFFALO +8.5 over Denver
This is my first pick in the week of too-big-of-a-line Sunday. We're in December, when guaranteed playoff teams like the donkey's start to coast a little and crappy teams like the Bills think they are building something for "next year."
ARIZONA -1 over Houston
I don't know. Do we really care? I mean look at this game. I have an intramural basketball game on Sunday at noon. What are the chances we have more fans in the church gym? I'll set it at 5 to 1.
NEW ORLEANS +8 over Carolina
Too-big-of-a-line Sunday continues. Did gamblers not learn anything from the Panther's drubbing last week at the hands of the Buccaneers? Saints play hard. They suck and they're poorly coached, but they play hard.
MIAMI -7.5 over N.Y. Jets
Miami has really come on at the end of the year. But there's nothing very good to talk about with this game.
Pittsburgh -3 over MINNESOTA
In addition to too-big-of-a-line Sunday, it's also Pound the Rock week here on the short bus. Hopefully some chinks in the Vikings armor are revealed. We all know they haven't beaten a good team during this streak (except for the Giants game when they didn't score on offensive TD).
San Diego +7.5 over INDIANAPOLIS
I think the Colts end up 14 and 2. Losing this week and next week at Seattle. They've made their point.
TENNESSEE +7.5 over Seattle
Another one for too-big-of-a-line Sunday. Seattle is overrated. We're agreed, right? Their schedule is cake. Two games each against Cardinals, Niners and Rams?
JACKSONVILLE -14 over San Francisco
Reports are that Alex Smith has small hands and smells like cabbage.
ST. LOUIS -3 over Philadelphia
Battle of teams whose windows have passed. Sad. But the Rams still have a few weapons. Eagles called me this week to see if I could play d-back, but I couldn't get out of work.
Cincinnati -7 over DETROIT
The bad thing about Matt Millen's upcoming firing is that we'll have to listen to him do color on Fox next year.
OAKLAND -3 over Cleveland
This game sucks.
Dallas +3 over WASHINGTON
Big Tuna may have luscious man-jugs, but he can coach 'em up.
CHICAGO -3 over Atlanta
Sweet. Sunday night game means I get to watch this one on Deffy (my HDTV) instead of the bar with crappiest food in America.
Green Bay +3 over BALTIMORE
Are ABC execs insane? Did anyone think Baltimore would be decent this year? Wasn't there a strong hint in the preseason that the Packers could suck? Maybe hindsight is 20/20 but I definitely would have had Steelers-Vikings or Chiefs-Giants on MNF.
That is all. My friend Ben is taking a helicopter to Atlantic City on Friday night to go play cards. I'm about to defrost a Boston Market frozen turkey dinner. What drugs did I do in college that he didn't?
posted by David Stassen at 10:21 AM
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