Week 10 Bears Recap: A Face Only A Mother Could Lovie

If I ever have a kid and he/she ends up being really ugly, sucks at sports and generally has nothing going for him/her, I will probably have to pump myself up for school plays and soccer games. Force myself to say things like "Katie, you look beauiful. The headgear totally draws the eye away from that runaway acne situtation" and "No, Tommy, coach is just saving you for the playoffs. None of the good players ever play until the championship game."

Thus, I give you Lovie Smith's mother's impressions of the Bears 14-9 victory over the San Francisco 49ers:

That Bears game was awesome! Did you see that first half? Oh baby, you didn't?! It was over-stuffed with sweet plays. It all started when Nathan "The Interceptor" Vasher returned a missed field goal 108 yards for a touchdown to end said first half. And then... Well, I guess after that they pretty much kicked the extra point and went to the locker room for halftime.

But it was as intense a half of football as you are going to get in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

Editor's note: I threw that in there so I could mention the meathead color commentators and idiot analysts who say the whole National Football League thing. Like we're supposed to be impressed by these morons for knowing what the acronym NFL stands for, like it adds gravitas to statements like "If you are down by one point and you miss a field goal on the last play of the game and you lose that game based on that missed field goal, you will NOT win a lot of FOOTBALL games in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE." Back to Lovie's mom:

Let me just say that the second half was even sweeter than the first for my Lovie and his sugar Bears. There was that play where 49ers quarterback Cody Pickett threw his one completion of the day. He went one for 13, but it is something to build on. What a player! Lovie's boys were truly tested by this brash gunslinger.

The running game was also great again. Little Cedric Benson ran for 50 yards before he decided to leave the field on a golf cart so Adrian Peterson could have the spotlight. What's that you say? Benson's leg was bent in half the wrong way by a 320 pound defensive lineman? I don't remember anything that bad happening. Oh well, Lovie will watch the game film and find out what REALLY happened.

And how about that Kyle Orton. He's developing a little more every week. For instance, this week he learned how to go eight for 13 for 50 yards and an interception in gale force winds. That'll come in handy during the Super Bowl. Come again? The Super Bowl's in a dome this season? If you say so, crazy face!

And then when Bobby Wade fumbled his third punt return of the day, just so the Bears defense could come out to prove their awesomeness once again?! Way to be a team player, Bobby Wade! He must've been paying attention to Cedric Benson's golf cart switcharoo.

So when the 49ers had first and goal from the two-yard line, did the Bears D hold? They sure did. That's my Lovie! Always building good defenses. The Bears are 6-1 against teams with losing records this season. That's Mmm, mmm good.

My baby's team is in first place. I'm so proud. And they're not doing it with smoke and mirrors. It's not because of a cream-puff schedule or pathetic division foes. Lovie is the most handsome man in the world. They ought to honor him in some way. I know! It should be the called National Football Lovie. Yeah, the National Football Lovie. That's perfect, just like my baby's Bears.