Week 12 Bears Recap: Touring Tampa With Randy And Amber
Who's from Tampa Bay? Hooters waitresses and Motorola salesmen? Is it even a city? Or just a collection of strip malls, TCBY's and internet porn entreprenuers. Serously, Tampa Bay sucks. We can all agree on that, right?
But there is justice in this crazy, mixed-up world. Chicago, the city of broad shoulders, a place with character, characters, real history and real weather watched its Bears go down to the loathsome Sun Belt and get a hard-earned win this Sunday.
Cynics and people who hate the Midwest will argue the Bears needed a lucky miss by Tampa Bay's kicker at the end of the game to pull this one out. But special teams are a big part of the game. Robbie Gould hit the two field goals he was asked to make on Sunday. Matt Bryant did not do the same for the Bucs. So there. We won the special teams portion of the game. We also won the defensive showdown. As for the offense, well, we'll call that a draw.
But in the interest of being fair and impartial, I am going to open it up to a chat room with some "real" Buccaneers fans. I've found a couple of Tampa Bay-ians and they want to talk about Sunday's tilt:
Me:
Hey guys, thanks for taking the time to chat with a self-appointed Bears beat writer.
Randy:
No problem. I'm at the drug store buying a plastic Christmas tree so I'm on the ol' Blackberry.
Amber:
Me, too! Where are you, Randy?
Randy:
I'm at the Rite-Aid on Notarealcity St.
Amber:
I'm at the Rite-Aid on Faketown Blvd!
Randy:
We should meet up later!
Amber:
Totally! What do you do?
Randy:
I'm a salesman for Motorola. You?
Amber:
Hooters waitress.
Me:
Okay, guys. Moving on. What were your impressions of the Bucs-Bears game today?
Amber:
Ohmigod. It was so nice out. I was totally able to even out my thong tan. Did we win?
Randy:
No, we didn't win, sweetie. Bucs looked good, though. Go Bucs! Whooooo!
Me:
You sound like a real Tampa Bay fan, Randy. Was this game a good measuring stick in terms of where both teams stand in the NFC?
Randy:
Our coach looks like Chucky.
Amber:
He's a hottie. LOL
Me:
I don't know, guys. The Bears got a quality road win on Sunday with a rookie quarterback and they did it by sticking to what's worked all season. They run the ball, Kyle Orton gets the bare minimum done, and the defense is close to dominant. The Bears are climbing into elite status in the NFC. And I know that doesn't mean as much as it would if we were in the AFC, but this was a team that was picked to finish last in the division even before Orton became the starter. We're so much like last year's Steelers it's getting scary. I think Pittsburgh had a more consistent running game last year, but our D is better.
Randy:
Yeah, well, your punt returner is a loser.
Me:
I actually agree with you there, Randy. If Bobby Wade is allowed to return another punt this season, Lovie Smith should have his upcoming Coach of the Year award confiscated. That's four fumbles on punt returns in three weeks and nine for the season. Playoff teams don't do that and the Bears are a playoff team. A playoff team with home-field advantage possibilities. Let's just all cheer for Seattle to choke a few games away the rest of the season. I can't see Orton winning a playoff game on the road this season. Now, a home game in the January cold with 65,000 guys in orange camo jump suits barking in support of young Kyle? That's a different story.
Randy:
Dude, chill out. Have a mango martini-rita or something.
Amber:
I love those! Did you know that's the official drink of Tampa Bay? It's like totally historic to our history.
Randy:
Yeah, this old inventor invented it in like 1989.
Me:
We're getting a little off track here. Let's get some predictions from you native Tamponians.
Amber:
Bucs in seven games. Whoooooo!
Randy:
I predict I dominate fourth quarter sales for Motorola's South East Corporate Tech Region and win that brand new Ski-Doo bonus package. Awesome!
Me:
Thanks, guys. Good luck with... well, just try not to breed.
So there you have it. In-depth, spot-on analysis from real Tampa Bay Bucs fans. I, on the other hand, am just a diehard homer with blinders on. It's hard to figure out how far this team can go when I want them to win this badly. The Bears will always rule in my book. Yeah Chicago! Whooooo!
But there is justice in this crazy, mixed-up world. Chicago, the city of broad shoulders, a place with character, characters, real history and real weather watched its Bears go down to the loathsome Sun Belt and get a hard-earned win this Sunday.
Cynics and people who hate the Midwest will argue the Bears needed a lucky miss by Tampa Bay's kicker at the end of the game to pull this one out. But special teams are a big part of the game. Robbie Gould hit the two field goals he was asked to make on Sunday. Matt Bryant did not do the same for the Bucs. So there. We won the special teams portion of the game. We also won the defensive showdown. As for the offense, well, we'll call that a draw.
But in the interest of being fair and impartial, I am going to open it up to a chat room with some "real" Buccaneers fans. I've found a couple of Tampa Bay-ians and they want to talk about Sunday's tilt:
Me:
Hey guys, thanks for taking the time to chat with a self-appointed Bears beat writer.
Randy:
No problem. I'm at the drug store buying a plastic Christmas tree so I'm on the ol' Blackberry.
Amber:
Me, too! Where are you, Randy?
Randy:
I'm at the Rite-Aid on Notarealcity St.
Amber:
I'm at the Rite-Aid on Faketown Blvd!
Randy:
We should meet up later!
Amber:
Totally! What do you do?
Randy:
I'm a salesman for Motorola. You?
Amber:
Hooters waitress.
Me:
Okay, guys. Moving on. What were your impressions of the Bucs-Bears game today?
Amber:
Ohmigod. It was so nice out. I was totally able to even out my thong tan. Did we win?
Randy:
No, we didn't win, sweetie. Bucs looked good, though. Go Bucs! Whooooo!
Me:
You sound like a real Tampa Bay fan, Randy. Was this game a good measuring stick in terms of where both teams stand in the NFC?
Randy:
Our coach looks like Chucky.
Amber:
He's a hottie. LOL
Me:
I don't know, guys. The Bears got a quality road win on Sunday with a rookie quarterback and they did it by sticking to what's worked all season. They run the ball, Kyle Orton gets the bare minimum done, and the defense is close to dominant. The Bears are climbing into elite status in the NFC. And I know that doesn't mean as much as it would if we were in the AFC, but this was a team that was picked to finish last in the division even before Orton became the starter. We're so much like last year's Steelers it's getting scary. I think Pittsburgh had a more consistent running game last year, but our D is better.
Randy:
Yeah, well, your punt returner is a loser.
Me:
I actually agree with you there, Randy. If Bobby Wade is allowed to return another punt this season, Lovie Smith should have his upcoming Coach of the Year award confiscated. That's four fumbles on punt returns in three weeks and nine for the season. Playoff teams don't do that and the Bears are a playoff team. A playoff team with home-field advantage possibilities. Let's just all cheer for Seattle to choke a few games away the rest of the season. I can't see Orton winning a playoff game on the road this season. Now, a home game in the January cold with 65,000 guys in orange camo jump suits barking in support of young Kyle? That's a different story.
Randy:
Dude, chill out. Have a mango martini-rita or something.
Amber:
I love those! Did you know that's the official drink of Tampa Bay? It's like totally historic to our history.
Randy:
Yeah, this old inventor invented it in like 1989.
Me:
We're getting a little off track here. Let's get some predictions from you native Tamponians.
Amber:
Bucs in seven games. Whoooooo!
Randy:
I predict I dominate fourth quarter sales for Motorola's South East Corporate Tech Region and win that brand new Ski-Doo bonus package. Awesome!
Me:
Thanks, guys. Good luck with... well, just try not to breed.
So there you have it. In-depth, spot-on analysis from real Tampa Bay Bucs fans. I, on the other hand, am just a diehard homer with blinders on. It's hard to figure out how far this team can go when I want them to win this badly. The Bears will always rule in my book. Yeah Chicago! Whooooo!
posted by David Stassen at 2:58 PM
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